And that brings me to my current state. Immobile.
Anyhoo, here we are in the new year—the time to be making goals, start fresh and plan how we’re going to be our truest, best selves in the coming year. My friends have been telling me about their resolutions, and I love the hope in their voices.
Only, I sit here on January 2nd, and I’m deeply planted in phase three of the cycle--depleted. I have no idea how I’m going to move out of it.
How about you?
Where are you in this motivation cycle?
Courageous and motivated?
In the midst of valiant attempts to reach your goals?
Depleted?
Re-building, stronger than you were before?
I am blessed, I am OK, but I want to share a candid glance at what my race has been like these past few months. I hope it gives you courage and helps you feel like you are not alone in your struggles, whatever they are. We're all in this together!
I'll start with the biggest tug at my heart strings: My son—barely seven years old— has five diagnoses.
In the blur of it all, I have been extremely sick. I finally broke down and scheduled the sinus surgery I've been putting off, and the deed was finally accomplished three days before Christmas.
Chronic pain and undiagnosed sickness
Young twins failing to thrive
Infants with food allergies—leaving mom and baby both failing to thrive!
Unfaithful spouses - wayward children - financial strain and failed businesses
Past mistakes coming back to claim consequence
And recently, unfathomably, a friend whose young husband passed away the week before Christmas.
How can I possibly help? My prayers seem so small, my notes of encouragement so hollow without any promises to ease their burdens. But it seems that kind words and prayers are all I have to give right now.
You can relate to all of this, I know you can. Your race might be a bit different, but in so many ways I know you understand.
I celebrated our special day by going to the ENT’s office for a post-op appointment.
The surgeon dug through my face for a while, leaving me to ponder those stories of mummification that so intrigued me during childhood:
Did they really stick a wire into King Tut's nose and pull out his brains?
Was the ENT now trying to pull out MY brains?
Would I even notice if my brains WERE missing?
And why are we talking about brains in plural form?)
Happy Anniversary, babe!
Well, it seems my surgery brought me to my current standstill. After months of plopping my feet down one after another, this surgery aftermath has got me with my feet up and my head down.
Yesterday, I did not sweep the floor or remind the boys to pick up after themselves.
I’m not ready yet.
I’m not ready yet.
We must stick to this deadline in order to sell our home within 14 days
and keep the contingent contract on the house we want to buy...
I’m not ready yet.
Right now the calendar boxes are empty where normally they are full of scrawls and appointments. My phone sits here quiet where normally it is full of alarms, set for every day of the week.
I just cant bring myself to set those alarms again.
I’m not ready yet.
Surely, I will pull through again. Get back on my feet and plunge ahead.
Already I feel a little better just having written about it--
or maybe I'm feeling better because the pain meds are kicking in?
The truth is, we all go through this cycle.
(Brace yourself! The ugly chart is about to make another appearance...)
Sometimes, we just need a slump, in order to truly re-charge.
Sometimes it takes a trial to see how blessed we really are.
Sometimes it takes heartache to see the hand of God in our life and to have the perspective to help those around us.
Sometimes it takes courage to feel compassionate, while other times it's only our compassion that gives us the courage to get moving again.
Maybe we will eat out for dinner, give myself one more day to let the dishes pile up.
Maybe tonight no one will wet the bed or wake with a cough or a bad dream and we will all sleep through the night.
And then maybe, maybe, fingers crossed: maybe tomorrow I will be ready.
To you, whoever and wherever you are, I pray for you a blessed new year. . K .